How long does the grief last after a breakup

 

Image by Goran Horvat

When separating hurts a lot. You can live real mourning. But, if we have already cried what we need, we have to put on our scout clothes and open a new window.

 

When we end a relationship, we can feel liberated, or we can sink in pain. Each person needs their time to grieve, and each person experiences it differently.

 

Within the duels, there are stages and better and worse moments but, when parting hurts a lot, the acceptance work and all other phases of the duel usually take us longer.

Along that path, there are advances and setbacks; there are harder times and lighter ones, and each one is looking for a way to leave the past behind and look optimistically at the new stage that is the beginning of our lives.

IN THE EARLY DAYS OF MOURNING, WE NEED TO MOURN IT ALL

In this phase of grief, we sometimes torture ourselves to understand why they have stopped loving us. There is anger, confusion, frustration, resentment, helplessness and abandonment, and fear of loneliness.

There is a tsunami of emotions that does not allow us to think clearly, that does not let us sleep and puts us in obsessive cycles that do us a lot of damage.

That is why it is so important to take good care of yourself in this process, surround yourself with loved ones and ask for help if we feel that we cannot go through this process alone.

There is no set time to grieve: some last for weeks, others for months, and the worst last for years.

 

We ourselves must learn to detect when the time has come to end the grief and start living again.

TAKE THE STEP TO LIVE A NEW LIFE

Human beings are very fortunate because we can live several lives in one: our entire journey goes in stages. And when do these stage changes occur?

·         Sometimes they coincide with the entry into our lives of new people who accompany us on the way

·         When the people who were in our path follow theirs alone or with other people.

·         We also begin new stages when we change study center, work center, city or town, country.

·         When we start something that we are passionate about.

·         When we make changes in our lives that have an impact on them, positive or negative.

·         Also fatal accidents or happy events such as weddings mark changes in the stage.

·         With each partner we have, we always start a new one.

When the relationship lasts a long time, it is more difficult to start a new life. But it is also more exciting. After crying and pain, we have to put on our scout clothes and look forward to the window to see our immediate future, to imagine and dream it.

Each new stage brings us new experiences, more learnings, and new loves, so thinking about our present and future can take us out of the deep state of sadness in which we plunge into romantic duels.

There is a time to cry and stop on the way to rest, and there is a time to get active and move on. Because on the way, we can't stand still too long, and we can't go backward either.

Life goes on, and you have to keep walking forward, even slowly, enjoying the scenery but always moving forward.

Life is a constant struggle for survival and happiness, so we can spend a while crying and taking out the pain from within, but we cannot extend ourselves too long.

Because you have to eat, you have to work, you have to sleep, you have to clean, you have to dedicate time and energy to your loved ones, you have to solve pending issues, you have to live in the present.

That is why grief cannot bring us down for a long time: remaining immobile and suffering can lead to depression and deteriorate our mental health.

It is not healthy to continue thinking about the ex three years after having broken the relationship, it is not healthy to remain anchored in the past and eaten by nostalgia.

It is not healthy to mythologize a relationship when it ends, nor does it do us good to focus our life on someone who no longer wants to be in it.

WELL, IT WAS TRUE: TIME HEALS EVERYTHING

At some point, you will feel that you have already cried all that you needed and that you cannot remain mired in sadness.

You will notice it because suddenly, life will seem very short, and you will want to fly with your new wings.

You will be able to rise when you leave the heavy burden of the past: you will notice that you are much lighter and that you are free to live beautiful things and to have beautiful experiences.

Once you free yourself from the fear of being alone and that no one loves you, once you have placed your ex in the ex's place within your heart.

It is when you leave the cave and start walking as usual, happy to have your people around.

Happy to get ahead.

And you realize that it was not as difficult as it seemed: that you can get out of all holes if one is surrounded by good love, and if we learn to take care of ourselves and love ourselves well.

And when you are already connected with yourself, and you leave the past behind, that is when oblivion arrives, and you are already in others, living your life, designing your present and your future, enjoying yourself and your people.

And thinking: it was true that time heals everything.  And you keep walking.